Our own beliefs about ourselves determine the direction of our lives.
The beliefs we hold about ourselves determine how we present ourselves, how we perceive ourselves, and even the life choices we make. It sounds simple, right? But it's not that simple. It took us several years, maybe even decades, to form beliefs about who we are. And most of us create these beliefs primarily based on our failures.
Perhaps you also belong to those who don't feel good enough, prepared enough to take new steps in life, or qualified enough to do a job they enjoy. And I completely understand that; in a moment, I'll explain why this topic is so close to my heart. The good news is that we can change these beliefs about ourselves at any time.
I was a very ambitious and independent woman—or more accurately, a girl at that time—I believed that I could achieve anything I set my mind to, I believed that I was good enough to stand up for myself and my own life choices before the world. Life was wonderful with this mindset until I began to accept others' opinions as my own because the majority is always right, isn't it? For months, years, I listened to attacks on my person, positive statements, but also negative ones (which unfortunately our brain remembers much longer), and I started to doubt myself. I began to doubt who I was, what values I upheld, and what exactly it was that I wanted to offer the world. I had a sense of my mission, I was always drawn to helping people, working with people going through tough times and wanting to improve their quality of life, and develop themselves. This passion had always bubbled within me, but... I wasn't qualified enough, I wasn't good enough for myself, who would even be interested in what I had to say? Such questions haunted me for months, then it was years, and during this period, I retreated into my "shell" and hid there.
What did this shell entail? Sabotaging any success that came my way. I worked as a real estate agent and according to my boss, I had "the best predispositions for the greatest success of anyone in the office," but I never celebrated this success. I always had periods of ups and then downs, when I felt that I was starting to excel, that things were going well, I would quickly retreat into my shell and make sure I was nowhere to be seen. After some time, I even upgraded it and found that when I was alongside successful people (at least more successful than I was), I could live in their SHADOW, literally. In the long-term functioning this way, I always lost a piece of myself over time, and not just that, I began to lose even the last fragments of myself until there was nothing left of that ambitious independent girl, she disappeared. The longer I lived in this setting, the more this "shell" solidified in my life, and I felt that I could never get out, that I deserved nothing more than just scraping by in life. I always needed someone to hide behind, whose success would be so interesting to others that they would stop noticing me. And for quite a long time, this worked. Especially in my last relationship, it was the best "hiding," I really didn't interest anyone there. I just slightly missed the point that I didn't even interest my then-boyfriend. I knew every story from his past by heart, but he never really asked me much, nor did his friends, which was perfect for my hiding pattern. What a relief.
The problem for me arose a bit when my boyfriend and I broke up, and I lost my shield protecting my fragile shell. Suddenly, I had to deal with what I would do, I went through a very tough period (mainly mentally), to the point of hitting rock bottom (not just because I had to come out of my shell; a lot of things came together, repressed "traumas" and unhealed wounds surfaced), and it completely knocked me down. Today, I am grateful for it because only such a fall from a great height forced me to start working on myself. It took me several months to collect the pieces and start putting myself and my life puzzle back together, but with the difference that I replaced the puzzle pieces (my patterns and beliefs). I realized that the old pattern no longer worked for me, that it was actually devastating and that I was just dependent on someone taking care of me, hiding me, helping me, saving me, and this realization changed my life.
I found ways to rewrite the old patterns, to get rid of my limiting beliefs, to find what I enjoy, to discover who I really am. Day by day, I tried to uncover another piece of the puzzle, change motives, patterns, and beliefs. It was like taking two steps forward and suddenly one step back because something else emerged that I had to process. It hurt, sometimes a lot, but I am incredibly proud of how far I have come, and with a calm heart, I say that this is just the beginning of my journey. I'm not afraid of haters, I don't need recognition from others, I don't even need acknowledgment. My only goal is that even if my work, whether motivational posts, YouTube videos, books, e-books, or podcasts, helps just one person, it means the world to me and I consider it a success.
"Our own beliefs about who and what we are either limit us or help us grow. It is up to us which option we choose."
If you are struggling with your own demons and want to face them, or if you feel that you can't do it alone or lack the information and resources, don't hesitate to contact me. I would be happy to arrange a meeting with you, whether online or in person, where we can discuss your specific issue and I will try to help you find an effective solution that works for you. You can learn more here.
Autor: Sylvie Bennett